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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057084">warm on a cold night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/doietokki/pseuds/doietokki'>doietokki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>?? probably, Angst, Exes, Heavy Angst, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Yes it Is, communication? what is that, mentioned cheating (or the lack thereof), yea this is a make out fic... i think aha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:54:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/doietokki/pseuds/doietokki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaemin didn’t know which one was harder – the act of loving or moving on. What he did know, however, was that he shouldn’t be kissing his ex like this, bodies so close together that they could almost become one.</p>
<p>Perhaps, resisting Huang Renjun was the hardest thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>warm on a cold night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>as always, thank you saz the loml for helping me with this and never getting tired of my random burst of ideas. i love you.</p>
<p>i never really explicitly described it, but just know that renmin are in their ridin’ outfits in that one teaser pic. i don’t think anyone could ever get over that.</p>
<p>++ these are the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2JmuEwEgkOjZJdi63e39vz?si=meV5SGaDRG2ar2uK0H-BQw">songs</a> i listened to while writing to set the mood or whatever... &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every good thing must come to an end.</p>
<p>But when it ends, what then?</p>
<p>Jaemin would suppose that moving on is what comes next, but it was somewhat a hard task when the problem was right in front of him. He swallowed as Renjun finally acknowledged his presence for the duration of time they’d been in the club (five hours), his eyes holding loathing that even Jaemin could notice under the dim lighting of the place.</p>
<p>Or perhaps that was just due to the fact that he was painfully sober. Well, he was going to be driving home tonight after all.</p>
<p>“So…” Renjun started and Jaemin perked up at this, sitting up straight on the stool. Of course the boy would only start to talk to him now when he had no other choice and wasn’t able to ignore Jaemin any longer – Donghyuck had went home with Mark, most probably to have sex with his boyfriend like every other couple would do, and Jeno was getting it on with a guy (someone who Renjun had identified as Doyoung, one of his seniors in college) on the dance floor. “How have you been, Jaemin?”</p>
<p>His name on Renjun’s tongue sounded so foreign. Hearing it just felt so surreal.</p>
<p>Jaemin cleared his throat before licking his lips, anxious all of a sudden as though this was a job interview. “I’m fine, I guess,” he said with a shrug, trying to sound indifferent when his heart was hammering loudly in his chest. “You can’t possibly expect me to be perfectly okay after… you know.”</p>
<p>Despite the deafening music in the place, he didn’t miss the soft chuckle that came out of Renjun’s mouth. “After our breakup?” the boy sounded unforgiving when he said the word, as if he wanted to crush Jaemin’s heart. It was working. “I see, Na.”</p>
<p>The use of his surname was the last straw for his heart, and it was frankly surprising that Jaemin could still plaster a smile on his face, not wanting to lose to Renjun. Not again.</p>
<p>Oh yes, the breakup.</p>
<p>That was three years ago, senior year of high school. Maybe it was Jaemin’s fault. But maybe it was Renjun’s, too.</p>
<p>Neither of them had been willing to lower their egos, so it was unsurprising that an argument took place, and it ended with Renjun walking away from Jaemin without looking back, and a broken heart… which was also Jaemin’s.</p>
<p>The cause? Now Jaemin wasn’t one to point fingers but if he were to be honest, he would say it was Jisung, a first year back then.</p>
<p>Jisung, Jisung, Jisung…</p>
<p>He didn’t think he would dwell on that name ever again, but now that he thought of it, it was the fault of the three of them.</p>
<p>Jisung was trying out for the swim team, or rather, he was trying to charm the swim team’s captain. And Jaemin being Jaemin, he indulged in the boy’s antics. Sue him, but he didn’t think what he did was called flirting. Why? Simple – because he had a boyfriend.</p>
<p>That was what he had told Jisung, but giving up didn’t seem to be in the boy’s dictionary, never backing away from Jaemin despite being asked politely to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Jisung, we can’t do this. </em>You<em> can’t keep doing–” Jaemin gestured at the space between the two of them, “–this. Whatever it is that you’re doing. I told you that I have a boyfriend.” He ran the towel through his hair in an attempt to dry it before changing back into his school uniform and heading back for the day, opting to just shower at home as their school didn’t have a water heater.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Jisung batted his eyelashes up at Jaemin, droplets of water falling from his hair down his face. They were sitting on the bench after practice, just the two of them in the natatorium, still dripping wet and only in their soaked swimming briefs, everyone already having gone on their way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jaemin sucked in a sharp breath when Jisung took his hand in his – the hand that wore the matching bracelet he had with Renjun – and laced their fingers together.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Doing what, hyung?” Jisung feigned innocence and ignorance, scooting closer towards Jaemin, face inching closer. “What am I doing?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jisung, stop,” he warned. “I thought you’d be the first to know that everything I said to you… I didn’t mean it. I’m just flirty by nature, everyone knows that.” Jaemin bit his lip, pointedly avoiding the other boy’s gaze on him. “Renjun knows that, too, so he doesn’t care much. But you have different intentions, Jisung.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh yeah?” Jisung released their interlocked fingers in favour of slinging an arm around Jaemin’s shoulder, relishing in the feeling of skin on skin, cold from the water. “What intentions do I have?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“You’re not like the girls who just want to receive compliments from me, the kind of people who just enjoy my sweet talk and flirt with me for the hell of it.” Jaemin tried to push Jisung away gently but to no avail. “You want </em>more<em>.”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>It was true; Jaemin did ‘flirt’ with almost everyone in school, though he wouldn’t exactly call it that. Renjun didn’t mind because he trusted Jaemin, and the words he gave other people were nowhere near to what Renjun was given. Besides, Jaemin would never initiate physical contact out of friendly boundaries with anyone, and everyone else also knew to respect that, knowing he had a boyfriend.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But Jisung was something else completely.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s right.” Jisung’s grin grew wider when Jaemin finally turned to look at him. “I want you, hyung.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, Jisung. You can’t.” Jaemin shifted his gaze to the pool in front of them, rippling water making the evening sunlight reflect off the walls of the arena. “I’m graduating next month anyway. Give it up. Please.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then…” Jisung grabbed his face with one hand, eliciting a gasp from Jaemin as he was forced to turn his head towards the younger boy. “Can we do it once before you go?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jaemin slapped his hand away, standing up abruptly that he felt dizzy. He was appalled. “Jisung, you’re a fucking minor!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The other boy clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, standing up before grabbing his towel with him. Jisung stared him down, having the advantage of being taller. “Okay, sorry. Just one kiss?” He tried again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A lot of thoughts were running around in Jaemin’s head. Maybe just one kiss wouldn’t hurt, if Renjun didn’t know and if it meant that Jisung wasn’t going to bother him anymore.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Still, it felt wrong.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jaemin was about to say no but Jisung had placed a hand on his shoulder, stepping towards him and bending down a little, and all previous thoughts he had vanished in an instant when he saw the younger boy’s lips part, prompting him to do the same.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His mind was screaming at him to push Jisung away, that this was wrong, so, very wrong, and Renjun wouldn’t like this, and he only had one second left before their lips met, that this was his last chance to push Jisung away, or he could turn his head to avoid the kiss, or–</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The door to the natatorium swung open and he jumped.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jaemin?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He shoved Jisung away harshly and whipped his head towards the voice, horrified. “R-Renjun… what are you doing here? I… wait, it’s not what it looks like.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I finished my club activities earlier than expected and just wanted to see if you’d want to walk home together. But I think you’re already occupied.” There Renjun stood, hands balled into fists, hurt and betrayal written all over his face. “It’s not what it looks like? I think it’s very ‘what it looks like’.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s…” Jaemin spared a glance towards Jisung, who looked just as scared shitless as he was. “It’s really not. I can explain.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A loud scoff sounded through the place as the first tear rolled down Renjun’s cheek. “No, thanks. Save it. I think I’ve seen everything that I needed to, and that’s enough proof.” He crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. “I thought exams would be the only thing you cheat on, but it looks like you’re cheating on your boyfriend as well.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Renjun, I’m not–!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And with the boy you even told me not to worry about?” Renjun directed his gaze to Jisung, taking in his impressive build for a sixteen year old, then fixing Jaemin an icy glare which pierced through the latter’s heart, even if tears were streaming down his face nonstop. “Guess you didn’t mean it, like when you told me you didn’t mean anything you said to every person you charmed with your sweet talkings, huh?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jaemin ran a hand through his wet locks, feeling the frustration bubble up in his chest. “Renjun, no. Listen–”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, Jaemin, I don’t want to be fed lies anymore.” Renjun tugged off his matching bracelet with much difficulty and threw it to the floor, the sound of the jewellry echoing loudly throughout the arena. “Have fun with your new boy,” he spat angrily without looking back, exiting the place.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was best to say that his friendship – or acquaintanceship, for that matter – with Jisung didn’t end on good terms, either.</p>
<p>Despair was probably an understatement, but who was Jaemin to complain? It was partly his fault. He should’ve been more assertive towards Jisung and tried harder to stop his advances. Meanwhile, Renjun should’ve given him a chance to explain and listen to him.</p>
<p>Or so Jaemin would like to think.</p>
<p>And for Jisung, well… he was the root of the problem so he was one hundred percent at fault.</p>
<p>But that didn’t matter anymore now that Jaemin hadn’t seen him since graduation, and he didn’t think it would matter because now, he and Renjun went to different universities. He was certain he’d never see Renjun ever again, and was doing a pretty decent job at moving on for three years.</p>
<p>Only to have his efforts crumble just like that when Mark and Donghyuck invited him out for a drink, and Jaemin was already immune to the couple so he didn’t mind thirdwheeling. He also didn’t think much about it when Donghyuck said he was inviting two of his friends from the university in the other district because he had a wide circle of friends being the social butterfly that he was.</p>
<p>Jaemin just didn’t think one of the friends would be Renjun. But there was only a fleeting look of shock on the latter’s face before he proceeded to pretend like Jaemin didn’t exist. Which was just a tiny bit (read: very much) hurtful.</p>
<p>And now, here they were, sitting awkwardly around a table. The tension was so thick that Jaemin thought in order to not die of suffocation, he should cut it with a knife.</p>
<p>He didn’t know why he agreed to come with if he wasn’t going to drink, or why he even bothered to stay more than half an hour when his ex was within less than a meter range from him.</p>
<p>Maybe it was the piercing on Renjun’s cheekbone. Or perhaps it was his newly bleached hair. Or the wrist void of their matching bracelet? All in all, Jaemin wasn’t going to lie – Renjun had grown to become a man and wasn’t the small teenager he knew from years back. Renjun was still as attractive right now, and was it even possible for him to be more attractive that he wasn’t Jaemin’s anymore?</p>
<p>He heaved out a sigh, propping an elbow on the table and resting his head on his hand, idly spinning his glass of coke and watching the ice slosh around. He stopped when he heard the sound of a chair scraping on the floor.</p>
<p>“Guess I’ll head home first. Jeno looks like he’ll be fine,” Renjun commented with a grimace, observing the way Jeno and Doyoung were eating each other’s faces shamelessly like they weren’t surrounded by other people.</p>
<p>“Hey, wait.” Jaemin quickly stood up. “Let me send you home.”</p>
<p>Renjun narrowed his eyes at Jaemin. “And why would I do that?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m not a criminal? And it’s too late for you to catch a bus or the train,” Jaemin reasoned. Yeah, totally not because he wanted to spend just a bit more time with his ex because fuck, did Jaemin miss Renjun. He didn’t know if he could say the same for the other boy, though. “And you’ve had quite a lot to drink, so–”</p>
<p>“I’m not drunk,” Renjun cut him off sternly.</p>
<p>“Okay, but my point about the public transport still stands.” Jaemin fished for his car keys from the pocket of his jeans and flourished it at Renjun.</p>
<p>Grabbing Jaemin’s glass of coke and downing it, Renjun hummed. “Okay, then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The ride was so quiet that they could hear a pin drop.</p>
<p>Not really, but Jaemin thought that was the perfect analogy as he drove in silence, not a single word being exchanged between them. And before he realised it, they were already pulling up before Renjun’s dorm building.</p>
<p>He turned the ignition off, leaning back in his seat. “I guess this is where we part ways. Again.”</p>
<p>Jaemin expected Renjun to leave without another word, just like he did back then, but instead, the boy didn’t move a muscle.</p>
<p>“Jaemin.”</p>
<p>His heart picked up its pace at being addressed. “Yes?”</p>
<p>Renjun turned to look at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Did you miss me?”</p>
<p>“What, is that a trick question?” Jaemin nervously picked at the chipped leather of the steering wheel, still refusing to meet Renjun’s eyes.</p>
<p>“No, I’m genuinely asking.” Renjun slowly removed his hand from the wheel, taking it in his. It provided him warmth, just like how Jaemin remembered Renjun’s hands felt when they were in school, going to classes hand in hand, both of them having a knack for PDA.</p>
<p>He swallowed thickly. “Yeah, I did.”</p>
<p>“I kind of missed you, too,” replied Renjun.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Jaemin had no idea why he was being told all of this. He didn’t see the possibility of them getting back together, even if his heart longed for Renjun.</p>
<p>“It was regrettable that we ended just like that,” he continued, “but you were an ass.”</p>
<p>Jaemin almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous that sounded. Not that he could deny the statement. “Well, it’s not like you let me explain and redeem myself.”</p>
<p>“What is there to explain, Jaemin?” Renjun’s voice was raised just the slightest bit, as if he was unable to believe the shit Jaemin was spewing.</p>
<p>“I thought if I just gave him one kiss, he would stop bothering me. I know it was wrong, God, I was stupid, but I swear I had half a mind to push him away. But then, that’s when you came and it was too late.” A sigh made its way past Jaemin’s lips as he slammed his head on the headrest, reliving the unpleasant memory. “I guess what I did was wrong, but if you didn’t just storm out and ignored me for the rest of the school year, we wouldn’t have broken apart.”</p>
<p>“You <em>guess</em>?” Renjun asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“Fuck, I was wrong, okay? Satisfied?” Jaemin sat upright in his seat and faced Renjun, starting to feel frustrated. “I’m just saying that it’s not entirely my fault. You’re one of the factors of our broken relationship.”</p>
<p>Renjun only chewed on his nail, a habit Jaemin recalled he had whenever he felt on edge. “I can’t even be mad at you blaming me because you’re right,” he said softly.</p>
<p>Jaemin leaned back on his seat once again, checking the time on the clock on the dashboard.</p>
<p><em>03:17</em>.</p>
<p>“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” he asked when they fell into silence, one that was awkward and uncomfortable. Seeing Renjun again after all these years wasn’t exactly the best experience because it brought back memories he had tried so hard to repress. Feelings weren’t easy to remove, so Jaemin felt like his heart was about to jump out of his throat the more time he spent with Renjun.</p>
<p>Because he was still in love with him.</p>
<p>A blur of movements was all he saw before a weight settled on his lap and his seat was being reclined, and Jaemin was met with Renjun’s alluring gaze. “Wha– what the–?”</p>
<p>“You know…” Renjun said, trailing a finger on his jaw, down to his exposed chest from the low white tank top he was wearing. “I think your blue hair suits you.”</p>
<p>“Um, thanks?” Jaemin was confused at the sudden shift of atmosphere. Were they having a spontaneous compliment session right now? “I think the piercing looks good on you.”</p>
<p>Renjun inched closer to his face, their cores now bumping and suddenly, it felt too hot in the car. Jaemin almost wanted to turn the ignition on so they could get some AC. “Of course you do,” he murmured, his lips brushing against Jaemin’s.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Jaemin’s voice was just above a whisper, every move of his lips resulting in contact with Renjun’s soft ones, and it set fire to his whole body.</p>
<p>The boy on top of him bent lower until he reached Jaemin’s ear. “Can I get a goodbye kiss?”</p>
<p>Was this allowed? Did exes do this – casually kiss each other goodbye?</p>
<p>Probably not, but Jaemin had been aching and yearning for Renjun for too long that he couldn’t bring himself to say no. Having the boy in his lap right now, in the confined space of his car, felt like he was on cloud nine already. He felt a chill run down his spine, imagining what finally kissing Renjun after all these years would feel like.</p>
<p>Jaemin inhaled shakily. He didn’t know if it was possible to have your heart broken over the insinuation of a goodbye kiss and feel the hint of arousal in the pit of your stomach all at once. Alas, against his better judgement, he agreed. “Okay.”</p>
<p>That was all it took for Renjun to pull back and smash their lips together, leaving no time for Jaemin to prepare or even wet his chapped lips a little.</p>
<p>Initially, he was stunned, eyes wide and mouth agape, letting Renjun have his way with him because Jaemin still hadn’t wrapped his mind around what was going on. It was when he registered the feeling of a tongue slipping into his mouth, the faint taste of alcohol triggering his taste buds, that Jaemin got himself together and started to reciprocate the kiss, albeit it being nothing short of messy.</p>
<p>Renjun was tugging on strands of his blue hair roughly, coaxing grunts out of him, while Jaemin allowed his hands to roam around the smaller boy’s body, feeling him up, trying to remember every dip and curve of his figure, and honestly, Jaemin wouldn’t want it any other way.</p>
<p>Even if this wasn’t what they were supposed to be doing.</p>
<p>Having to catch his breath, Jaemin pulled away from the kiss with a smack, a string of spit connecting their lips. His chest was heaving up and down as if he’d just swam a mile, and above him, Renjun’s cheeks were a rosy pretty shade of pink with glistening lips, his eyes dark. Jaemin reached up to capture the boy’s lips once again but Renjun moved backwards, making him chase his lips for a moment.</p>
<p>He laughed. “Eager are we, Jaemin?”</p>
<p>“Shut up.” A scowl was present on Jaemin’s face as blood rushed to his cheeks at being teased. He laid down on his back in the seat with a huff, feeling small under Renjun’s fiery gaze. “You were the one who wanted… a goodbye kiss.”</p>
<p>Renjun let out a hum, pushing Jaemin’s hair out of his face so he could get a better look at the younger boy. “And I’ll get it.”</p>
<p>This time, the kiss they shared was far more gentle and languid, with Renjun slowly rocking his hips onto Jaemin, sucking on his tongue. Jaemin could only whimper, holding the older boy still, because he didn’t know if he could stop himself if they went further than just kissing.</p>
<p>His eyes remained closed as Renjun trailed wet, open-mouthed kisses down his jaw, pecking the spot underneath his ear before moving onto his neck, placing soft kisses and latching his mouth on the junction of his neck, sucking hard.</p>
<p>“Renjun… Renjun, shit,” Jaemin panted, carding his fingers through the boy’s blond hair. He lifted his hips involuntarily, hoping to get some friction on his crotch, and cursed out of embarrassment.</p>
<p>“You’re so pretty, Jaemin,” Renjun commented, nipping at his earlobe for a bit before finding his lips again.</p>
<p>Jaemin’s hand that was on Renjun’s nape moved to slip underneath the latter’s shirt, feeling the warm skin of his tummy. He was proud of the way Renjun’s breath hitched at the cold sensation of his fingertips, taking it as his cue to slide his tongue into Renjun’s mouth and licking everywhere he could.</p>
<p>He shuddered when Renjun’s deft hands slid his jacket down his shoulders, splaying his fingers on Jaemin’s chest and proceeding to caress his arms, sliding his shirt up and revealing his abdomen.</p>
<p>In that moment, the only sounds filling the car was the almost lewd smacking of their lips, and Jaemin was also sure the windows were starting to fog. Sweat was trickling down his back and soaking his tank top, but Renjun didn’t seem to mind.</p>
<p>His head was spinning.</p>
<p>Renjun probably thought Jaemin was some kind of canvas, if the way he was working his mouth on his neck with purpose – determined to leave his marks there for the world to see as if Jaemin was his – was anything to go by.</p>
<p>Jaemin had no complaints.</p>
<p>Contented sighs and surprised gasps left his lips as Renjun marked every inch of his neck. “Ren– <em>ah</em>!” Jaemin’s eyes flew open as he grabbed the boy’s hand that had so offensively tweaked one of his nipples. “Too… too much,” he admitted timidly.</p>
<p>Renjun laughed breathlessly, bringing up Jaemin’s hand to kiss his knuckles. “Sorry,” he whispered. He made to kiss the boy below him once more before stopping midway, and like a switch had been flipped inside of him, his mood changed.</p>
<p>Jaemin’s heart dropped at the remorseful look on Renjun’s face. “Renjun?”</p>
<p>“We… we shouldn’t be doing this.”</p>
<p>He wanted to scoff. “Now you’re just not making any sense. You were the one who–”</p>
<p>“I know!” Renjun was suddenly furious, probably at himself. “I didn’t know what I was thinking.”</p>
<p>They stared at each other in silence, indecipherable emotion behind Renjun’s eyes staring back into his, but Jaemin would like to think that he could name some – regret, anger, remorse, sadness. He probably mirrored Renjun’s expression, and Jaemin thought that if looks could kill, perhaps the both of them would be dead.</p>
<p>Renjun swiftly climbed off his lap and onto the passenger seat, fixing his hair and attire. Jaemin did the same, positioning the driver’s seat to its usual state.</p>
<p>It wasn’t fair; Renjun didn’t look half as bad as Jaemin did, whose neck and chest were littered with angry red marks. He pulled his jacket tighter around his body, feeling self-conscious now that the heat of the moment was gone.</p>
<p>Jaemin picked on a loose string on his jeans when Renjun said nothing, causing the tension in the car to rise yet again. Keeping his gaze outside the front window, he asked, “Why did you do that?”</p>
<p>Renjun exhaled sharply. “I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“You still have feelings for me, don’t you?” He shifted in his seat to face the boy.</p>
<p>Renjun appeared to be in denial as he held his bottom lip, like he couldn’t believe he’d just done something blasphemous. Jaemin was sure making out with your ex was just that. “I’ll get over it soon, I promise. You should do the same.”</p>
<p>“No! Can’t you just– can we please try again?” Desperation was evident in his voice but Jaemin couldn’t care less. How was he supposed to act like tonight didn’t happen when he knew now that Renjun was forty five minutes away from him, and how they were holding onto each other earlier like their lives depended on it?</p>
<p>Renjun blinked. He would’ve found the boy’s swollen lips endearing, only if Renjun was still Jaemin’s boyfriend. “I’m sorry, Jaemin. We can’t.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” Jaemin said through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>“There’s a reason we’re exes, Jaemin,” Renjun explained slowly, as though he was helping Jaemin with a simple math question, like this was one plus one. Like Jaemin wasn’t able to understand a single thing. “We can’t just go back into each other’s arms just because–”</p>
<p>“Then why the fuck did you ask me to kiss you?!” he yelled.</p>
<p>And of course, Renjun was never one to back down. “I was fucking stupid, okay? Can we just pretend–”</p>
<p>Jaemin slammed his fist on the steering wheel, guilt tugging on his heartstrings when Renjun flinched. “For the past three years, I’ve been pretending that I’ve never even met you. Now you want me to pretend tonight never happened?”</p>
<p>“It was never supposed to happen.” Renjun boldly held his gaze, merciless.</p>
<p>There it was again – the heartbreak.</p>
<p>Breaking hearts should be one of Renjun’s many talents alongside having a gorgeous face and laughter that sounded like angels singing.</p>
<p>But then again, Jaemin figured he didn’t mind getting his heart broken, if the one breaking it was Renjun. Because now, it was already like second nature to him.</p>
<p>“Have you even been thinking about me for the past years?” He wasn’t sure why he was self-sabotaging and setting himself up to get his heart crushed again and again. But Jaemin was dumb, and so, he asked that question, preparing himself for the answer.</p>
<p>And Renjun never failed to deliver. “I wish I could stop.”</p>
<p>Jaemin bit the inside of his cheek, closing his eyes and sucked in a deep breath as he leaned against his seat, trying to calm himself before he could lash out and throw a tantrum. He wasn’t the childish little teenager, swim captain Jaemin whom everyone swooned over anymore. He was an adult now, and adults handle their feelings in a civil manner.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes, making to grab Renjun’s hand but the latter pulled away. “I don’t get it, Renjun. I still love you, you still have feelings for me. Why can’t we just try again?”</p>
<p>“Maybe we’re not meant for each other,” Renjun simply said.</p>
<p>“Are you serious right now?” Jaemin clenched his fists. “You do realise we broke up over a misunderstanding, right?”</p>
<p>Renjun held his wrist, where the bracelet from three years ago was meant to be, but fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket instead. “You did want to kiss that boy, right?”</p>
<p>“Only because I thought it was for the better! I thought he would stop trying to– ugh!” Jaemin groaned, messing up his blue hair. He was trying to reason, but nothing he said made sense. They just sounded like poorly made up excuses, and as the seconds passed by, he was starting to lose hope, like Renjun was slipping past his fingertips and there was no way he could have him back. Jaemin breathed in deeply. “Renjun, you have to know that at the last minute I also wanted to push him away. My conscience got the best of me but–”</p>
<p>“Forget it, Jaemin,” said Renjun coldly, tone dripping venom.</p>
<p>Jaemin didn’t think anything else in the world hurt more than this. He couldn’t believe that after all these years, Renjun still hadn’t changed one bit – he was refusing to listen to Jaemin. Whatever happened to a healthy communication between them?</p>
<p>Before Renjun could exit the car, Jaemin shot forward and yanked the older boy backwards. “Please don’t leave yet,” he pleaded.</p>
<p>“I don’t have anything else I want to say to you,” said Renjun in a small voice.</p>
<p>Jaemin’s bottom lip quivered. “Please, Renjun. I want to try again.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s possible–”</p>
<p>“I never had feelings for that boy! Renjun, you’re the only one I’ve ever loved, please, <em>please</em>. Please, let’s try again,” Jaemin sobbed.</p>
<p>Renjun clicked his tongue. “Stop crying, silly.” He faced Jaemin at last and wiped away his tears. The gesture was reminiscent of when Renjun would comfort a crying Jaemin whenever he didn’t win first place in a tournament, but that was back then.</p>
<p>In the past, Jaemin didn’t mind if he didn’t win a gold medal, because at the end of the day, he was still winning – he had a kindhearted and beautiful boyfriend to embrace him and tell him pretty words, that Jaemin didn’t have to be number one for Renjun to love him.</p>
<p>Now, it was different.</p>
<p>Jaemin held Renjun’s hands in place, leaning into the touch. He sniffled. “Please don’t leave me again…”</p>
<p>Renjun laughed incredulously. “You’re making me sound like the bad guy now when you’re the one who–”</p>
<p>“We’re both the bad guys, okay? Why can’t we just look past our mistakes and forgive each other and try again? Please?” More tears streamed down his face to which Renjun wordlessly thumbed them away.</p>
<p>The older boy seemed to contemplate this, mouth parting to give him an answer but his phone beat him to it. The obnoxious ringing filled the quiet night and Renjun pulled it out of his pocket, checking the caller ID before accepting the call and lifting the device to his ear. “Hey, Chenle, what’s up?” He continued to speak in Mandarin after that.</p>
<p>Jaemin just drowned out the conversation, not able to understand anyway. He whimpered, heart tearing into two when Renjun retracted his hands from his face, sitting properly in the seat before hanging up. Jaemin looked at him expectantly.</p>
<p>“Sorry, that was my roommate asking me if I’m still coming back.” Renjun pocketed his phone, seeming hesitant before he said his next words. “Um, thanks a lot for the ride. It was nice seeing you again after a long time.”</p>
<p>Jaemin’s eyes widened as dread filled his whole being. “No, Renjun–”</p>
<p>“I wish you only good things in life and–”</p>
<p>“Don’t go.” Jaemin seized the boy’s hand.</p>
<p>Renjun gently removed his fingers encircling his wrist. “Jaemin, I’m sorry. We can’t–”</p>
<p>“Please, I love you!”</p>
<p>The silence enveloped them once more and the pain was unbearable when Renjun refused to make eye contact, yet he was still holding Jaemin’s hand softly.</p>
<p>Renjun was always like that. Contradiction – one of his personality traits. He would say Jaemin was annoying but still left him loving kisses before parting ways to go home. He would say he hated Jaemin but his actions proved otherwise, pulling Jaemin into the janitor’s closet during free periods to do things that students probably shouldn’t be doing on school grounds.</p>
<p>Right now, Renjun looked like he wanted to stay. “Goodbye, Jaemin.”</p>
<p>And with that, he yanked his hand out of Jaemin’s hold, making his way out of the car without looking back, leaving Jaemin all alone, just like he did on that day in school.</p>
<p>The car felt cold all at once as Jaemin continued to cry, focusing his blurred vision on the retreating figure of Renjun’s back. When he was out of sight, Jaemin pulled his sleeve up to reveal the matching bracelet he still kept on his wrist after all these years, the accessory holding a deep sentimental value, even if it was one-sided.</p>
<p>He ripped it off his wrist and threw it out of the window, drying up his tears with the back of his hand. Once again, he was left with a broken heart and this time, phantom kisses on his neck with bruises that were starting to bloom.</p>
<p>Jaemin started the ignition before driving away from the building.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i got bored and wanted to try writing a make out fic, i have no idea how it turned into this instead... *looks away nervously*</p>
<p>once again, the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2JmuEwEgkOjZJdi63e39vz?si=meV5SGaDRG2ar2uK0H-BQw">playlist</a> for this fic! thank you for reading :]</p></blockquote></div></div>
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